A happy life can get to you sometimes

So i've been asked to be in my cousins wedding in November. Im going to be the maid of honor, not that I am any more important that the others though. I think i've just known her the longest and have been picked on the most, that's usually how it goes ha. Anyway, I threw her a bridal shower this past weekend. It was fun and she cried tears of joy, she was so happy. It is an exciting time in our family and i've always wanted little ones running around :) I can't wait till the day she has kids now! haha. But it hit me hard this weekend with all the excitement and all the work i did with little sleep, plus other running around we had to do this past weekend. I was so excited for her, but at the same time I was upset. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to be all greedy and just think about myself, but there was something inside of me that day that just wanted to be in her position. The way her face lit up and the joy she got from reading cards of people that truly love her.

I've never been known to be the one that will be married at an early age. I've always played soccer and had a busy life. There really wasn't even time to think about settling down or yet alone think about marriage! In the atmosphere i've grown up in it would have been bad to think about getting married before 25. But as i've grown up and felt like I can think for myself without people judging me things have changed. 

Everyday, I think about what it would be like to be in someone else's position and how hard it would be to raise a kid or cook for the family. Could I do it? Some of my friends would call me crazy if I were to get married right now. But Zack is my best friend and I always want to be with him. If he's sick I want to take care of him, If it's his birthday I want to buy him something he will love, If it's our "anniversary" I want to be the first to tell him I love him with all of my heart.  

Everyone has to work at any relationship they are in. Working on it daily is what keeps people together and still loving each other when they are 50. But this is hard for me because i've grown up in a family where relationships are always messed up or people get divorced or maybe they are still together, but they are the most unhappy couple you've every seen. So i've never expected to get married early if i could help it. 

Can you believe how much one person can change your entire life though? Zack has been nothing but an inspiration in my life. People aren't perfect and yes you have to work on things almost daily. But it's the willingness inside of me to work on our relationship and the amount of pain I get if I were to think of a life without him that motivates me. I've seen the good, the bad and the ugly of relationships all around me. And that is what keeps me praising God and thanking him for such a loving boyfriend. I could not get through each and everyday without Zack. His voice soothes the bad days and his advice lets me get some sleep at night. 

I couldn't want anything more and I truly mean that. I've disconnected myself from friends and family at times when they don't believe in us or they wish we weren't together just so they can hang out with me by myself. As i've always said "you aren't a friend to anyone if you can't love what they love too." You should always be happy for someone that has found someone that completes them. People have to make their own paths in life and all you can do is give advice and love that person. Don't stop loving them and calling them just because what they do is wrong in your mind. 

So the point of my long blog is that my life has changed so much and things that would usually make me happy don't anymore. I appreciate more and I don't like being alone. I love to cook, I clean our apartment, and the only guy I want right by my side 24/7 is Zack. I mean the guy you love is supposed to be the one person you can stand to be around everyday all day right. :) I JUST WANT TO BE MARRIED TO THE GUY! :)  (He's going to kill me when he reads this haha)

But I'm seriously trying so hard in my mind to live one day at a time and believe that it will happen when it happens. It's hard sometimes when the one person you love most is far away or you can only see them on weekends. I know things will work out, I've just had a hard weekend with all this wedding stuff. ( a little bit of jealousy took over this weekend) 

I truly love Zack with all of my heart and still to this day (1 year and 8 months later) I love the fact that my heart still smiles every time I see his gorgeous face! <3